A Lonely Mom Turned Shining Sun

It was about six months into motherhood. Our adoption had just finalized two months earlier and I was trying to navigate my new sense of self. I found myself online looking for conversation, interaction. It wasn’t that I was lonely exactly, but rather that I felt isolated in my “new mom-ness”. On a whim, I signed up with a direct sales company under another mom that I felt connected to through her live videos. It felt a little ridiculous, to decide to sell makeup, to run a little corner of social media about beauty. I had no idea what I was doing and admittedly, saying I was apart of a direct sales company selling a product made me feel like I had something to be ashamed of. But I truly loved the products and something about it just called to me. I remember thinking late one night I need to do this. Yes it was out of the box. Yes it was fun. Yes it was something just for me. Yes it gave me extra spending money for all those late night amazon purchases with a baby crying at 3am. But it wasn’t until I received a comment that I realized what it was I truly wanted to do and why I felt I needed to do this.

“…it’s worried me a bit to see how some of my mom friends are turning to social media because they’re lonely…”

I read it over and over. I felt like I was doing something wrong and immediately started to settle into a feeling of guilt and shame. As I began my usual cycle of searching within for what am I doing wrong, I must be wrong, I need to fix something, I suddenly stopped in my tracks. Why do I turn to social media? It was a question that ran laps around my brain for a long time. Admittedly, I turn to social media for one of two things: 1. because I have a reason for being there: to post, to record stories, to respond to a dm and 2. because I’m lonely, craving interaction, conversation or relationship. If I’m feeling this way, other moms, other women, other girls are feeling this way…are we all wrong?

“The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I will hope in Him.” My loneliness is a lie. I am not alone. Your loneliness is a lie. You are not alone. You and I have a wonderful loving Creator God who longs for us and desires to make us whole. Finding my hope in Christ, in His word, turning to Him first erases the lie of loneliness.

So if our loneliness is a lie, why do we lack connection, we crave relationship, we desire to be know, long to be heard? Because my dear one we were created for relationship! We were made to have the most amazing, heart shattering sort of loving relationship with the God who made us. And He gave us a wonderful gift of relationship, friendship and community with others.

“…the path of the just is like the shining sun that shines ever brighter until the perfect day…” I want to be that! I want to be like a sunrise that begins with the faint glow, the flickering of colors and the warmth of dawn as it rises into the splendor of a full bright and shining sun. I want to be like the beautiful women at Dear Mushka and Risen Motherhood who beautifully and boldly present the love of Christ and the love story of the gospel through their social media on a regular basis.

My idea for being on social media changed that day. When I turn to social media it MUST be to shine light, to create community full of warmth and joy and wonder. It MUST be to show others the love of Christ that shatters loneliness and brings an unquenchable joy. The sad truth is that women feel lonely. The world is noisy and everything is vying for our attention and many of us have settled into feelings of loneliness and isolation. But for the women reaching out, the ones looking for something, who have turned to social media, I’m here with you! I have struggled as you are. And I want to offer you a place to be heard, a place to find connection and community. I pray that you’ll find rest here, I pray that together we can find the joy our souls need most in Jesus Christ, that together we can walk the path that is like the shining sun, shining brighter and brighter even on the worst of days.